I believe it is time to pass this information on to you, my beloved readers/followers.  And you probably have some fabulous advice to add as well.

I was the same size then as I am now….so by no means was I any kind of thinner version of me.  Younger, yes…. but people still ask me if I am in my thirties…which is very funny as I am 52 years old!!  So that being said…I was the same size then as now.

There was something magical that happened when I donned that costume.  It would begin to happen as I would put the blond wig on, the beauty mark, the red sequined dress, black lace gloves, red high heels, black feather boa and the amazing huge black hat.  Oh and the red lipstick!!  (I can only imagine if there had been Hips and Curves back then…I would have DEFINITELY been the naughty Mae West, bustier and thigh high stockings…I can see it now.)

There was a sexiness that would ooze just getting ready.  And then running the lines added the extra zing that would put the whole thing in motion.  That Mae is a sexy girl.

I would write special lyrics for the song, “Hit Me With A Hot Note”, that would be tailored for the individual that Mae was hired to “find” at the party.  Do you know the song?  “Hit me with a hot note and watch me bounce…” wonderful song.  Sometimes I would have to stop at the gas station and pump gas on the way to the gig, or grab a bottle of water at a convenience store…in full costume.  And it was on those occasions that I actually SAW what this costume did…for men!

I would expect that at a party, people would be terribly fascinated as to what was going on…but it was a party for heaven’s sake…sort of expected.   I would enter the party and mingle.  Not ask for the man of honor right away…but mingle as Mae East, “I used to be Mae West…but I drifted…oh”.  And the reaction from men, and women I might add, was amazing.  Stutter, smile, ask questions of Mae, follow me around the party, at times visibly shaken.  And I slowly began to figure it out.

I WAS Mae.  I WAS elusive.  I WAS sexy.  Ummmm…sex.  And without any fear.  Without any reservation.  Without any hesitation.  Mae took over.  She was suggestive, brave, commanding and downright lovable.  And just a little dirty.

People loved it.  Men loved it.  I loved it.

And that is when I figured it out.

Confidence.  That is what it took.  And that is what would take over.  In the gas station, convenience store, retirement party, bachelor party, birthday party.  Everywhere.

Get it?  Right.  That is what it takes.  KNOWING that you possess all of these qualities, large or small…and everywhere in between.

So I am encouraging all of us to channel that inner Mae.  If I ever feel any part of “less than”, I simply remember Mae (who was really ME) and express myself accordingly.

With a feather in hand, swirling it around the man’s head while saying, “I came here to tickle your fancy, mind showing me where your fancy is located?”

Mmmmhmmmm…you get the idea.  Ah, sweet Mae.  Thank you for allowing me to remember who I really am.

Remember who you really are.  Who you have always been.  Dress it up.  Sex it up.  You will see.  Sometimes I still just put a little beauty mark on and see what comes.

I wonder if there is still a need for a 52 year-old Mae impersonator.  Because after all, I AM in Vegas now baby!!

xoxo With love from a big girl.  Wendy

]]> http://www.curvyconfidential.com/2009/12/come-on-up-and-see-me-sometime/feed/ 15 http://www.curvyconfidential.com/2009/09/1202/ http://www.curvyconfidential.com/2009/09/1202/#comments Mon, 14 Sep 2009 18:23:07 +0000 Wendy http://www.curvyconfidential.com/?p=1202 Ok everyone…lets drop that weight!! That’s right, let’s get rid of it once and for all.

If you know me or what I stand for…you may think that I have had a hit on my head, or a change of heart, or a lapse in all that I write and speak about.

Not true.

I actually mean it.  Lets all lose some weight!  Oh, it is probably not the “weight” that you may think.  I am talking about all of the self-doubt, the degrading thoughts within your head, and all of the other WEIGHT that you pile on yourself when talking about your body and its girth/weight/poundage/pooch/fat…or any other word that you could use to diminish all of the real beauty that you actually do possess.   I have been working with, coaching, counseling and teaching people (not only women either) about body issues and self-loathing a lot lately.    The topic is always so fascinating to me and continues to be.   What I am finding is that many of us pile on the “weight” of carrying around a bad attitude and it is HEAVY.

Self-speak is constantly occurring.   Our job is to re-program, if you will, our negative thoughts about what we look like.   Why not make the choice to drop the bad thinking and replace with thoughts of all that we actually are that is great and all of the wonderful qualities that we do possess.

So I am suggesting that you drop a few unnecessary pounds of criticism. And not just about yourself, of others as well.   Stop looking for the seeming flaws in yourself and point out to yourself all of the beauty of who you are.  And begin to notice the truth about the beauty in others too.

Confidence is the best accessory a person can put on, a wise and loving man once told me.   I loved that.   I still do.   I still remember it like it was yesterday and it was many years ago.     Look lovingly at your reflection rather than with a critical, judgmental eye.   You are PERFECT just the way you are.   Remember that.   So dress it up, sexify it, strut it, move and dance it, adore it…it being you!

With love, from a “weightless” woman.

xoxo Wendy

Dance excludes no one. Dance expresses and moves our souls. No matter the beat, no matter the body…dance.

Ahhhh…

There. I just wanted to positively express myself for one glorious moment before I begin the barrage. This attitude is usually not my style of speaking or writing for that matter. However, another television show has emerged, which on the surface appeared to be lovely. I believe I must sound off.

Plus-sized bodies, moving to the music. Dressed in fabulous attire. Sexy even. Laughing and having so much fun. Oxygen’s new show, “Dance Your Ass Off”, has begun. At first blush, I was excited. And then I discovered the premise.

Fat bodies. (And I use the term Fat with love, please see my previous article titled: Fat…the F Word) Moving. Great dancing with some amazing dancers. (Insert the sound of the record screeching.) Great…now change. Beautiful…now change. Big people…now change.

This is the message that we, as a society, are sent so often. This is the message that I personally would love to help silence. If even to turn it down a notch or two.

“Dancing With The Stars” or “So You Think You Can Dance”, these shows don’t come with an agenda of any sort. Smaller, thinner people are not expected to dance AND change. There is no outward expectation other than to compete and the best dancer wins. Period.

The message currently being sent to society is this: Fat people can dance, but the contest is in the losing of weight.  Not just be GREAT as you are…because apparently, this is not good enough.

I was so excited to see some great costuming on this show.Many pieces come from our beloved Hips and Curves. Gorgeous pieces. Sexy. Finally, an outward representation of how great my plus sisters can look in an eye-popping piece of lingerie. And it is on TV!!! But the reason these dancers are on this show is to show us, the viewing public, that you can be fat as long as the intent is to “fit in”, be acceptable.I am not going to buy into it. Below is my credo:

I honor these dancers for the talents that they are.

I am applauding “Hips and Curves” and any other lingerie, clothing, sexy-as-hell clothing retailers for continuing to bring us quality and fun on a regular basis.

I will not “hate” my thin friends or colleagues, but appreciate ALL body types and sizes.

I will continue to look at people as “humans” not simply “bodies”.

I refuse to think of myself as “less-than” and will keep looking lovingly at myself in the mirror.

I ask you, to join me. Please join me. Talk to me here and tell me what you think.

Thanks Hips and Curves. Not only for the great products, but also for a place for ALL to come and read some great content and speak out and just BE.

With love from a Fat Dancer….xoxo Wendy

I wanted to go talk to them, find out their story, and ask how they met and how long they had been a couple.  I didn’t.  I was with some dear friends and didn’t want to leave the wonderful spot that I was in listening to the same great band while I was soaking up the sun and the love from the friendship circle that I was with.

Why is it that some people so easily find a great partner while others seem to be in a holding pattern, circling around and around, never really finding a place to land…or someone to land on?  Grin.    Is it really as some say, that only thin and beautiful women get to have the dating/loving fun?  I hear so many women saying that they need to lose weight.  And when I ask them what losing weight would do for them, their answers are pretty standard.

“I could have a boyfriend if I were thinner.”

“I would have better self-esteem.”

“Fat people can’t get a good job.”

“I could have better clothes, nothing for fat people looks good.”

The list is long and distinguished and I am always willing to listen.  And then lovingly, am always willing to give the advice that I am CERTAIN they want from me.  Ok, so maybe not everyone is looking for my advice, but I generally offer it anyhow.

I like to say that you can hang anything on “THE FAT TREE”, but it is pretty crazy.  You know it, right?  The fat tree:  If I were thinner I would have better clothes, a better job, better sex, better friends, better anything.  So they hang everything on the “Fat Tree.”  And the tree shakes and shudders under the weight of all of the crap hung on it.

The reality is, when most of these people shed the weight, they discover that the thing that they most wanted to blame all of this on, the weight, was not really the culprit.  Hmmmm.  And if you are not fat, there are lots of other things that get hung on a tree as we try to blame our “lack” on something.  A short tree, a poor tree, and I’m not so smart tree, a bad upbringing tree…you get my drift.

Stop waiting.  Start living.  Right now.  Date.  Create.  Get motivated.  Take a deep breath and DO.   Whatever it is that you have really been wanting to do…just get out and do it.  Take a chance.  Be brave.  Tell yourself that there is no such thing as failure. 

I was reading on my Facebook page someone speaking about how horrible her life is.  She wondered aloud, could it possibly get any worse?  Then a few posts later, I see that she is battling a raging headache.  And the day before that, she had been sick.  And I thought that this is what happens to many of us.  We talk ourselves right into being miserable. 

If this is true…I believe that we can talk ourselves right into being amazing!  Try it. 

Oh, by the way.  The couple at the beginning of this post?  You may have had a vision conjured up in your mind about what they looked like.  I can assure you, you may have been wrong.  She was at least a full head taller than him.  And when he was standing behind her, you would not even have been able to see him.  She was a beautiful large girl and he was a darling smaller man.  She had to lower her head pretty far for him to be able to kiss her.  He would reach up and take her face in his hands and gently bring her down so he could love her.  It was a beautiful sight.  She loved him and he her.  And nothing else mattered. 

You see?  Confidence.  It is the best accessory you can wear.  Wear it well.

Talk to me here will you?  Give me your insight.  Do you put things on a “tree”?  Have you given that up?  Are you living an incredible life?  Do you feel miserable and uneasy?  Are you gloriously happy?  Do you feel less than?  Talk to me.  Others reading this will be inspired, or perhaps will resonate with your story and not feel so secluded.  Thanks for sharing.

With love from a confident big girl.  xoxo Wendy

Let me tell the story.  You decide.

I have been in theater, mainly musical theater, for many years.  I began in the 7th grade at Newhall Junior High School in Wyoming, Michigan, continued throughout my school years and then Community Theater.  I have sung, acted, directed and music directed as well.  

I was in a production in Lansing, Michigan.  I loved this theater and the group of friends that I had become acquainted with.  I have a dear friend that directed me in a show and we have been friends for well over 20 years now.  

I had a great role in a production and worked with several amazingly talented actors.  We had gone all through the rehearsals and we were actually now in the performance piece.  I was on stage for most of the show and had several costume changes in the dressing room.  Each night I found myself with just one other actress in the room, by ourselves, making costume changes.  

I will call this actress Nina.  

Nina was a petite brunette.  She was a brilliant actress and singer.  She was very well known in the area and received many accolades, both in person and in the media.  (I set this stage so you KNOW that she was complimented and raved about on a regular basis.)  

It began the first night of the performance.  When she and I were alone in the dressing room and changing our costumes, she looked in the mirror while in her pantyhose and bra and said, “Hmmmmm, I think that I am looking a little fat.”

I sort of smiled to myself and decided that she meant nothing by it and let the comment pass.  

The next night, at the same time, she said exactly the SAME thing.  And then on the third night, the same comment. It now became clear to me that this was for a reaction, and she wasn’t getting the reaction from me that she expected or needed. 

You know.  The fat girl, insecure, “God are you kidding me, I would kill to look like you” comment.  I don’t give those statements out.  Because I don’t feel like that.  AND I don’t feel the need to buy into that whole “I hate my body and you should be so grateful that you look like you do and not like me” stuff.  I never have. 

This happens often.  I hear it in public quite a bit.  I am sure it is the “I need to say something negative about my size before someone else does.” I know this because women tell me this on a regular basis.  I am certain there are other reasons and I am always curious about what those reasons may be.     

Sometimes the fat girl/woman says it to someone thin/thinner without any provocation.  You know, right?  Telling someone how wonderful/beautiful/thin they are and expressing the desire to “be like them”. Do you know what I am talking about?  Do you know people that do that?  Are you one of them?  

I want to encourage all here.  There is a peace that comes with accepting our bodies and ourselves.  No permanent change can come until there is a change within.  And if change in your body size is what you desire, if the goal is to lose weight and be smaller, this is fine.  PLEASE be certain you remember that love of self must come first for anything to be long term.  We don’t care for something we loathe.  Acceptance is key.  It is THEN that the change will begin with the physical body.

Oh, and Nina you ask?  

I simply said to her on the third night as she was examining her body in the mirror again, “I see what you mean, you probably could lose five pounds.  You could probably just exercise that away.”

She never said another word about her body for the many nights that followed.  In fact, she began telling me how wonderful I looked and that she loved my style.  

Hmmmm…..interesting.  

With love from a “non-apologetic about my size” fat girl.

xoxo Wendy

A wonderful friend of mine (I will call her Maria to protect her privacy) and I had gotten together last week while I was in Michigan.  We were going to get some dinner, do some shopping and stop in for a Chinese Massage.  Wow.  A perfect evening for me!

While shopping in one of our favorite stores, she came upon a light-weight jacket.  Nothing special.  Just a nylon jacket, blue, snug fitting and just…well, there.  She said that she could use it for golfing and if it rained there was the obligatory hood.  She kept looking.  She was on the small girl side and I was in the plus sizes across the aisle. 

She then said, “Look at this!”  I turned to see her in this amazingly ADORABLE jean jacket.  Large grommets on the front, hook and eye closures and grommets with large ribbons on the sleeves.  It was just darling.  I couldn’t quit commenting on how cute it was and how it was so dang cute on her!

Maria held her breath as she wondered about the price, thinking that it would cost about $50.  She was thrilled when she looked at the tag and it was only $24.99!!   I asked her if she liked the size…as it was a little bigger and more flowing that most of her other clothes, but not too big by any means.  She said yes, that she really liked the fit and the look.  SHE LOVED THIS JACKET!!

I looked over at her and now she was looking in the neckline.  I asked her what she was looking for and she replied, “I want to see if this is a Medium.”  I couldn’t figure that out, why it would matter what the tag said…she loved it. 

“Oh my God, do you know what size this is?” Maria exclaimed.    “It is a 1X!”  She took it off and hung it back up.  SHE HUNG IT BACK UP!!  She did not want to buy it.  Because it was a 1X…and not a medium.  I replied, “What difference does it make what that tag says….you can cut the tag out if it bothers you.”   But she didn’t buy it. 

I got very excited when I realized that if it was a plus-size, they may have one in my size…and sure enough, they did.  Now I have the amazingly darling jean jacket….and she lamented the rest of the time in the store…searching for a jacket in “her size” that was as cute. 

 She never found one.

I still cannot get over this.  Maria has been my friend for over 20 years.  Maria got over, I thought, the whole body image thing many years ago.  Apparently not.  Well, maybe the body thing…but not the size thing. 

Do you have size-tag phobias?  Does the size matter to you?  If you are a size 18 and the cut of the article requires you to go up a size or two…is that an issue for you??  If you are getting a gorgeous outfit, or piece of lingerie, or even a bra…will you go up to the size that fits you properly without freaking out about the tag? 

I have no issue with my smaller, skinny friends whatsoever.  I embrace them with the same love and non-judgment about their size as I do my fellow large friends.  It matters not to me if you are a double zero or a 32.  I find the beauty in each individual regardless of size or the numbers on their tags. 

Perhaps this answers the age old question:  Does size really matter? 

Apparently so.

With love from a size 18-20 girl.  (Who has been known to go up to a 28-30 to get a good fit!) 

xoxo Wendy  

WHAT???? I don’t want to look thinner?   I don’t want to appear as though I am smaller than I actually am????   Are you kidding me?

OK, catch your breath.  Let me explain something.  It is something about compliments.

But first let me spout a little about fat girl stores.  I want to be able to go into a safe place, that sells MY size, and not have to be concerned about clothing that makes me look thinner.  I want to be free to just look great.  Good fit, great style, amazing color, beautiful fabrics….those things.  If a person is going to work in a plus size industry, I want them to be able to figure out that not ALL women are disgusted by their size.  Not ALL women hate their bodies.  Many of us love our bodies and want to enhance our curves – not hide them!!!  There, that being said, I can move on.

Back to compliments.  I am going to ask for your participation here.  Just for 30 days.  Thirty measly days out of thousands that you will live and have lived.  It could be an eye-opener, or at the very least, a lot of FUN.

Ever notice how many people comment on other peoples weight?  You hear it every single day.  Watch for how many times you hear things like this:

“You look like you have lost weight.”

“You look great, lose some weight?”

“Those jeans make your butt look amazing, lose some weight?”

“Is that a smaller size? You look so much thinner.”

I am telling you, it is everywhere.  Until several years ago, I probably was saying the same things.  WHY?  Because we’re unconsciously making judgments all the time.  Judgments about other people, saying that thin is “better” than fat.

I am going to challenge you to compliment others – and yourself – on things that really matter.  The whole weight thing is so boring already.   Get creative.  Compliment on a great laugh, an amazing smile.  Compliment someone on how healthy they look, how their skin is glowing, how sweet they are …or edgy, or creative, or smart, or kind, or hilarious…you get it.  Stuff that really matters .

Control your urge to ask someone if they are dieting, or how they lost that weight.  When you see someone that appears to have dropped a significant amount of weight, resist the urge to comment about that part of them….perhaps just tell them that they look so happy.  (Statistics show that 93% of all weight-loss is temporary, that the weight is gained back, and then some.  So how will that same person feel when that happens?  That their beauty, value, esteem is wrapped up in body size?)

So for 30 days, find something other than body size to feel bad/great about.  For 30 days, pay honest compliments about things that are not weight related.   Listen to those around you and how often this happens.

Find ways to celebrate and decorate the body you have.  Have you seen all the wonderful and sexy stuff at Hips & Curves???  Come on, slip into something…no one has to know but you. (Unless you want them to!)  How about some cheeky lace boyshorts? Or a bright red silk g-string with side ties?  You might be surprised at the feelings sexy/pretty lingerie inspires.

If it IS change with your body that you desire, that is fine.  Just make sure that it is for the right reasons….not shame and guilt from media, societal pressure or even your own family or friends.  But because you want that change for yourself.  And be sure to love yourself through that entire change.  Don’t wait until you get to some “goal” to love yourself.  Love yourself now, exactly as you are. Change only can come from a “within” place….that is the only place that could begin to be permanent, and lasting.  Acceptance of self is the launching place.

With love, from an accepting girl.

xoxo Wendy

50 is the new 30.

Fat is the new…ummmmm – FAT!!

What? How dare I use the dreaded F word.  I mean come on, I AM a female for cryin out sideways!! I need to be ashamed, guilted, depressed or at the very least quiet about it.

Well I am daring to come out of the closet, so to speak, about using the word FAT to describe my wonderful body!!  I have owned this big body for MANY years now and have loved all that it has provided me.  Men, clothes, travel, singing, acting, men, commercials, comedy, beauty, men (God have I mentioned MEN?) and so many other amazing experiences.

When you pick up a puppy, you turn it over and love on it exclaiming, “Oh I love this fat little belly!!” I myself usually kiss a puppy belly and raspberry it.   I love love love the smell of puppy belly skin.

A newborn baby?  Of the human kind, that is.  We comment on the adorable chubby cheeks and the amazing fat at the top of the baby legs.  We comment how healthy those chunky babies look, and my look at the beautiful color…no matter what color!

Ok, so when did FAT become bad? I have that fat at the top of my legs, belly charm and adorable cheeks.  I must be amazingly cute…well my FAT is. To me.  To my husband.  To many others too.

I am reclaiming the word.   I have been for a few years actually.  In conversation I will drop it in, you know, referring to myself as a fat girl.  When people look in horror, they begin to say…”Oh Wendy, you aren’t fat!” Which cracks me up….ummmm because I am.  But I don’t find it distasteful, or shameful.  I love who I am, and who I am continuing to become, and a piece of that is that I am fat.  So I say to those people, “I am fat, but fat doesn’t mean a bad thing.   I am like the puppy or the baby.” And when I am finished telling them the puppy/baby analogy, I can tell that they want to be that cuddly too…I mean, if they dared to say it.

I tell people that I may have a disease. I call it “Reverse Anorexia”. Anorexics believe when they look in the mirror that they are fat when really they are amazingly thin. I look in the mirror and believe I am perfect, and fat, and that damn…I am hot!!

Join me.  Claim it.   Wear it.  Be it.  Love it.  Be comfortable in your skin – and pretty lingerie.  Lace yourself in to a sexy corset, glam up with a garter belt, strut your pearl g-string in the bedroom – with nothing else on! Because always, no matter your weight or your size, the only thing that really matters is:  Acceptance.  Total, non-judgmental, acceptance.  Of yourself, and all others.

With love from a fat girl…xoxo Wendy