Curvy Confidential

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Oh my god,  here I am, a straight male writing about feelings and emotions.

Wait… here I am, a straight male writing about feelings and emotions, while living in West Hollywood, California and sitting  next to my super cute little Chihuahua.

Damn…. All macho has left the building.

While it’s true, I bantered last week about the “More to Love” crazy’s, I feel compelled to do a follow up.  Yes, I was sucked in again to the dating spectacle just to see if they ceased and desisted smacking the girls weight, menstrual cycle and other bits of “to much information” across the screen.

I am pleased to announce that the producers are human and chose not to repeat that offense, but, when can I expect these “love contestants” to learn how to be functioning beings?

Darlings, here is a bit of advise that you didn’t ask for.

These men in your life did not ignore you, nor did they “pick you last” or not fall in love with you solely because of your weight!  Do I need to repeat this? Ok… I will.

NO ONE MAKES A LONG TERM DATING DECISION BASED ON A SINGULAR FACTOR!

The sniffling baby cry-a-lots’ on the show seem to blame their lack of dating, sex, world peace or worsening national economy solely on the fact that they love food.

Of course, we are all immediately attracted to a certain body type, smell, look or attitude, but we don’t base every decision on those split second attractions.   If your physicality is not something that rivals Mrs. ‘Almost’ Pitt or the models on HipsAndCurves.com, then own it and step up to the other 8 million options that we possess or can discover!

Learn a new skill, smile more, laugh more, make others laugh more, be more at peace, do something…ANYTHING…better than anyone else!  It’s as simple as that!

That’s what attracts us, sustains friendships and long term relationships.

Girls, are you honestly going to feel terrible because not every random sperm donor thinks you are perfection at every second of every day?  Why not focus on what you want? Focus on what YOU are attracted to and emanate that from your gorgeous, curvy body!!

Wear sexy lingerie, or wear flannel jammies or wear nothing at all! Everyone has different desires and not every day is the same. The only one that you need to please and stay true to… is YOU.

I have experienced women out there that will find excuses for everything in life because of one small (or large) segment of their being!  Can you imagine a big girl, criticizing another big girl, because she’s NOT a true BBW?

Nothing is sexier to this odd ball chef than a confident woman who smiles and doesn’t try very hard to impress.  I’ll talk to the seemingly average looking girl at the bar that just sits and smiles and enjoys her bar snacks and booze with far more vigor than a woman who is trying to channel the evil Paris Hiltons’ of the world and overworking everything she has just to desperately attract the attention of…anyone that will listen.

We each have unlimited access to find what makes us special.  When the stars are aligned, or the fates are tested, or the booze is flowing freely, we will discover another person that just so happens to like one, two or fifty of those special parts of our essence and a friendship is born!

Be consistent, be yourself, be proud of what you offer, or if you are not, then change it in to something that you are proud of.   Simple no?

Ok lovely women of all shapes, ask yourself the next time you feel slighted because another person didn’t like your rolls as much as Entenmanns…would I really want to talk to a “tool” that loves everything about me except my dress size?

Until we meet again, smile more, drink better champagne and love that everyday, we get another chance to make things better in our life.

It’s happened to all of us one way or another, even if we don’t want to admit it… Well, I will. Yes, I’ve just been STOOD UP.  It might be the karma of the universe getting back at me for the few times I’ve stood guys up in the past.   However, I can pretty much guarantee that I’ve never stood anyone up cold, that is, without a call, email, or text explaining I couldn’t make it.

This past Saturday, I drove to the Valley for a date with an Englishmen I met over an online dating site. We had a great email exchange, picked a day, time, and place, and that was it.  I was looking forward to meeting a new person and hearing his story over some nice Italian food and a glass of wine. Unfortunately for me, the dude didn’t show up.

So, my friends, this is my advice to look cool in case you get stood up.

1. If you arrive at the restaurant first, tell the waiter you are just a party of one – but you may have a friend joining you.

2. Bring a book or a newspaper to keep yourself busy in case you want to stay for lunch on your own. (I did and ended up flirting with the adorable restaurant owner who asked for my number!)

3. Let go of the anger… nobody looks pretty when they’re mad…. And you want to look pretty in case there are other cute single guys there!

As my beloved Granny would say,

“Girl, you need to get up, brush the dust off your butt, and get back in the saddle.”

Rihanna was spotted out on the town sporting shiny pink nipple covers under her semi-sheer black top.  Want to get Rihanna’s look?  Try Nippies!  Nippies are sexy stickers with medical grade adhesive which are applied to your breasts to cover your nipples under clothing.

For those of you who don’t know me, I am obsessed with Nippies.  I wear them almost every day.  They have become a staple in my wardrobe and I will talk your ear off about how fabulous they are.

Although most stylists use Nippies to cover perky nipples on the red carpet, I love wearing them as a bra alternative! I feel liberated – no bra straps here! My favorite style is the Satin and Lace Heart Nippies. They come in black and beige and are perfect basics to add to your intimates collection.

I also love the Leopard Print and Lame Nippies.   A few weeks ago I was at the beach with one of my girlfriends and I had the Leopard Nippies on. Since I wasn’t wearing a bathing suit top, I asked the life guard if I would get in trouble for laying out with them on and I showed him what they looked like. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone turn so red (or get so turned on)!  He told me I would get a ticket for laying out with them on (a ticket for being smokin’ hot, perhaps).  Anyhow, I could tell he liked the Nippies and I wore them anyway.   I didn’t get a ticket and the life guard got to stare at me all day

We also use Nippies during photoshootss if the model needs a little lift or some extra coverage when we’re shooting something sheer. We have a stylist on staff, but since I am uber-obsessed with these “patches of freedom”, I have become the go-to gal for Nippie applications.  Hey guys, I know your jealous.   I’ve probably handled more boobs than you have in your entire life

Get Rihanna’s look by pairing a sheer black top with the Pink Satin and Black Stripe Nippies.

Diva…More to Love…Ruby…Biggest Loser…

It seems like the entire world is focused on weight issues… bigger girls, whether shown in a positive or negative light seem to sell advertising space!

Everyone has a different set of physical attractions that guide their libidos.  For me, a curvy woman fuels my interest far more than a woman that looks like a pre-pubescent 12 year old boy. So my lascivious self was very interested to catch the newest FOX dating show in the bachelorette and bachelor franchise… “More to Love”.

The show started as expected, big people all looking for the right one… or the right one, right now.  Either way, the premise is that with all of these larger ladies in the same room and in the same situation, there would be an absence of judgment calls and haters.

The problem started with the height and weight announcements blazing across the screen of every contestant in what seemed to be 15 second intervals. The first few times were not an issue for me, as they called to remind me that this show was supposed to be different. However, after reminding us 10 times…. I yelled at the screen, “Ok, we get it! They are fat… move on!”

And that’s the issue with the remainder of the show…they neglected to move on or ever make it about the dating, the silliness of the dating or the drama. It was solely about how fat people are just as fearful and neurotic as everyone else.  By the way, is fat a politically correct term? If not, please insert your favorite ‘above average’ weight label here. Personally, I like to refer to myself as calorically enhanced.

Dear producers, would it not have been more powerful to cast strong, confident women on the show that just so happen to be a size 16?  Watching Ms. 3000 calorie a day girl cry her eyes out because she believes that no one will ever love her due to her size just reconfirms our stereotyped vision of bigger people. The look of pleading eyes and desperation when they don’t get picked to move on to the next round of disaster just showcases that these girls didn’t think once that it may be that they had the personality of  a dishrag. They blamed everything on the fact that they had far too many cupcakes in their body.

How will people finally learn to stop perceiving big girls as wrong… unless the girls themselves start believing that they are ok?

Ladies…be proud of your size…. wear it, own it.   If you are miserable, then lose the weight.  However, if you want the world to look at you with acceptance, show it to us first.

Will I watch the show again?   Perhaps to see if it gets better and less stereotypical, but mostly for the pleasure I get from finally seeing sexy, curvy women on TV.

–

Matthew Gladstone is by trade an executive chef both in the private sector and the restaurant industry.  When he is not slaving over a hot stove he enjoys his home life in West Hollywood with his hot girlfriend Christine and his perfect, adorable dog Domino.

Besides his passion for the creation of fabulous upscale comfort foods, Matthew loves writing reviews and blogs, watching movies, drinking champagne and playing the violin.