I am pretty sure she didn’t even know why she was saying those things. I am pretty sure that she learned this type of dialogue from friends or family or society in general. I wasn’t angry, just amazed. This has happened many times in my life and continues to this day.
Let me tell the story. You decide.
I have been in theater, mainly musical theater, for many years. I began in the 7th grade at Newhall Junior High School in Wyoming, Michigan, continued throughout my school years and then Community Theater. I have sung, acted, directed and music directed as well.
I was in a production in Lansing, Michigan. I loved this theater and the group of friends that I had become acquainted with. I have a dear friend that directed me in a show and we have been friends for well over 20 years now.
I had a great role in a production and worked with several amazingly talented actors. We had gone all through the rehearsals and we were actually now in the performance piece. I was on stage for most of the show and had several costume changes in the dressing room. Each night I found myself with just one other actress in the room, by ourselves, making costume changes.
I will call this actress Nina.
Nina was a petite brunette. She was a brilliant actress and singer. She was very well known in the area and received many accolades, both in person and in the media. (I set this stage so you KNOW that she was complimented and raved about on a regular basis.)
It began the first night of the performance. When she and I were alone in the dressing room and changing our costumes, she looked in the mirror while in her pantyhose and bra and said, “Hmmmmm, I think that I am looking a little fat.”
I sort of smiled to myself and decided that she meant nothing by it and let the comment pass.
The next night, at the same time, she said exactly the SAME thing. And then on the third night, the same comment. It now became clear to me that this was for a reaction, and she wasn’t getting the reaction from me that she expected or needed.
You know. The fat girl, insecure, “God are you kidding me, I would kill to look like you” comment. I don’t give those statements out. Because I don’t feel like that. AND I don’t feel the need to buy into that whole “I hate my body and you should be so grateful that you look like you do and not like me” stuff. I never have.
This happens often. I hear it in public quite a bit. I am sure it is the “I need to say something negative about my size before someone else does.” I know this because women tell me this on a regular basis. I am certain there are other reasons and I am always curious about what those reasons may be.
Sometimes the fat girl/woman says it to someone thin/thinner without any provocation. You know, right? Telling someone how wonderful/beautiful/thin they are and expressing the desire to “be like them”. Do you know what I am talking about? Do you know people that do that? Are you one of them?
I want to encourage all here. There is a peace that comes with accepting our bodies and ourselves. No permanent change can come until there is a change within. And if change in your body size is what you desire, if the goal is to lose weight and be smaller, this is fine. PLEASE be certain you remember that love of self must come first for anything to be long term. We don’t care for something we loathe. Acceptance is key. It is THEN that the change will begin with the physical body.
Oh, and Nina you ask?
I simply said to her on the third night as she was examining her body in the mirror again, “I see what you mean, you probably could lose five pounds. You could probably just exercise that away.”
She never said another word about her body for the many nights that followed. In fact, she began telling me how wonderful I looked and that she loved my style.
Hmmmm…..interesting.
With love from a “non-apologetic about my size” fat girl.
xoxo Wendy
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