When I am shopping in a Big Girl Store, and I am trying on clothes, I always come out of the fitting room to look in a three-way mirror. When I come out, if the clerk says something like, “Oh that makes you look slimmer”, or “Wow that looks so slenderizing on you”, I am forced to respond with a comment that I am CERTAIN they don’t hear everyday. I simply say, “Oh then I don’t want it, you can take it back”.
WHAT???? I don’t want to look thinner? I don’t want to appear as though I am smaller than I actually am???? Are you kidding me?
OK, catch your breath. Let me explain something. It is something about compliments.
But first let me spout a little about fat girl stores. I want to be able to go into a safe place, that sells MY size, and not have to be concerned about clothing that makes me look thinner. I want to be free to just look great. Good fit, great style, amazing color, beautiful fabrics….those things. If a person is going to work in a plus size industry, I want them to be able to figure out that not ALL women are disgusted by their size. Not ALL women hate their bodies. Many of us love our bodies and want to enhance our curves – not hide them!!! There, that being said, I can move on.
Back to compliments. I am going to ask for your participation here. Just for 30 days. Thirty measly days out of thousands that you will live and have lived. It could be an eye-opener, or at the very least, a lot of FUN.
Ever notice how many people comment on other peoples weight? You hear it every single day. Watch for how many times you hear things like this:
“You look like you have lost weight.”
“You look great, lose some weight?”
“Those jeans make your butt look amazing, lose some weight?”
“Is that a smaller size? You look so much thinner.”
I am telling you, it is everywhere. Until several years ago, I probably was saying the same things. WHY? Because we’re unconsciously making judgments all the time. Judgments about other people, saying that thin is “better” than fat.
I am going to challenge you to compliment others – and yourself – on things that really matter. The whole weight thing is so boring already. Get creative. Compliment on a great laugh, an amazing smile. Compliment someone on how healthy they look, how their skin is glowing, how sweet they are …or edgy, or creative, or smart, or kind, or hilarious…you get it. Stuff that really matters .
Control your urge to ask someone if they are dieting, or how they lost that weight. When you see someone that appears to have dropped a significant amount of weight, resist the urge to comment about that part of them….perhaps just tell them that they look so happy. (Statistics show that 93% of all weight-loss is temporary, that the weight is gained back, and then some. So how will that same person feel when that happens? That their beauty, value, esteem is wrapped up in body size?)
So for 30 days, find something other than body size to feel bad/great about. For 30 days, pay honest compliments about things that are not weight related. Listen to those around you and how often this happens.
Find ways to celebrate and decorate the body you have. Have you seen all the wonderful and sexy stuff at Hips & Curves??? Come on, slip into something…no one has to know but you. (Unless you want them to!) How about some cheeky lace boyshorts? Or a bright red silk g-string with side ties? You might be surprised at the feelings sexy/pretty lingerie inspires.
If it IS change with your body that you desire, that is fine. Just make sure that it is for the right reasons….not shame and guilt from media, societal pressure or even your own family or friends. But because you want that change for yourself. And be sure to love yourself through that entire change. Don’t wait until you get to some “goal” to love yourself. Love yourself now, exactly as you are. Change only can come from a “within” place….that is the only place that could begin to be permanent, and lasting. Acceptance of self is the launching place.
With love, from an accepting girl.
xoxo Wendy
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