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Fat….The F Word

Brown is the new black.

50 is the new 30.

Fat is the new…ummmmm – FAT!!

What? How dare I use the dreaded F word.  I mean come on, I AM a female for cryin out sideways!! I need to be ashamed, guilted, depressed or at the very least quiet about it.

Well I am daring to come out of the closet, so to speak, about using the word FAT to describe my wonderful body!!  I have owned this big body for MANY years now and have loved all that it has provided me.  Men, clothes, travel, singing, acting, men, commercials, comedy, beauty, men (God have I mentioned MEN?) and so many other amazing experiences.

When you pick up a puppy, you turn it over and love on it exclaiming, “Oh I love this fat little belly!!” I myself usually kiss a puppy belly and raspberry it.   I love love love the smell of puppy belly skin.

A newborn baby?  Of the human kind, that is.  We comment on the adorable chubby cheeks and the amazing fat at the top of the baby legs.  We comment how healthy those chunky babies look, and my look at the beautiful color…no matter what color!

Ok, so when did FAT become bad? I have that fat at the top of my legs, belly charm and adorable cheeks.  I must be amazingly cute…well my FAT is. To me.  To my husband.  To many others too.

I am reclaiming the word.   I have been for a few years actually.  In conversation I will drop it in, you know, referring to myself as a fat girl.  When people look in horror, they begin to say…”Oh Wendy, you aren’t fat!” Which cracks me up….ummmm because I am.  But I don’t find it distasteful, or shameful.  I love who I am, and who I am continuing to become, and a piece of that is that I am fat.  So I say to those people, “I am fat, but fat doesn’t mean a bad thing.   I am like the puppy or the baby.” And when I am finished telling them the puppy/baby analogy, I can tell that they want to be that cuddly too…I mean, if they dared to say it.

I tell people that I may have a disease. I call it “Reverse Anorexia”. Anorexics believe when they look in the mirror that they are fat when really they are amazingly thin. I look in the mirror and believe I am perfect, and fat, and that damn…I am hot!!

Join me.  Claim it.   Wear it.  Be it.  Love it.  Be comfortable in your skin – and pretty lingerie.  Lace yourself in to a sexy corset, glam up with a garter belt, strut your pearl g-string in the bedroom – with nothing else on! Because always, no matter your weight or your size, the only thing that really matters is:  Acceptance.  Total, non-judgmental, acceptance.  Of yourself, and all others.

With love from a fat girl…xoxo Wendy

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Comments:28

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  1. Glen
    09/02/18

    Wendy,

    I love your post. There is nothing wrong with saying fat. My wife says that even if she loses some weight she will just be an even finer fat girl than she is now. Keep doing what you do.

  2. Karen
    09/02/18

    Wendy – My favorite part of your post is that “50 is the new 30″. What great news! I’m better now! Okay – that’s not true – I love the puppy belly / baby analogy! Who wouldn’t be able to relate to that? Actually, your statement about “acceptance . . . of yourself, and all others” made me stop to evaluate myself, my actions and attitude. Thank you for the post . . . looking forward to more!

  3. Lee
    09/02/18

    Above all this post is about acceptance and it will take time to overcome the many years of prejudice in a lot of areas. However, I know we are on the road when you look at our new president. Now, we need to practice it in our jobs, our schools and our neighborhoods. If we could all remember that we are connected it might be easier. But you mentioned it in your post about the acceptance of self and maybe this is the true key to accepting others in all their glory – look in that mirror and love yourself for all that you are.

    You are beautiful!

  4. Pam
    09/02/18

    Wendy,
    Thank you for using your “out side voice” for all to hear. Too many people live their whole life believing their inside voice, convienceing themselves that they are not perfect, that they are fat and they all fall short of a wonderful life. I am beautiful, brown eyed, brown haired FAT GIRL! Thanks for the voice, You go Girl!

  5. carol
    09/02/18

    Wendy
    I love who you are and what you stand for as a person who truly accepts and loves everything about yourself. You have been blessed with many gifts and one of them is the ability to make the most of what you have and you certainly are doing that with your article. I know you have touched the hearts, souls and minds of the readers who see themselves – and believe in themselves – for the whole package, not just an image of who we are supposed to be or become.

    May the “mirror of our soul” always project the perfect image of who you are because “You Are So Beautiful…”

    Thanks for making my day – again!

  6. Christine
    09/02/18

    Wendy-FAT? Oh my Goddess…and you revel in the delight of the shining star that you are-in all ways. Elegant, charming, and sexy! Thanks for letting healthy, voluptous women smile when we look in the mirror-naked:-)

  7. Marykay
    09/02/18

    Wow, a friend told me to check this blog out.. .so glad I did. Soooooo, I know now I am really only 30. . (I LOVE that) and FAT is ok. I’m just learning that after all these years. In my mom’s final years she didn’t know me as the smart daughter, or the brown haired daughter, or the singing daughter, or . . . no, I was her fat daughter. I’ve come to realize that it is just fine. I’m healthy, happy and successful. No wonder my husband loves me beyond measure. . . .I’m cute. . and fat. . .and delliriously happy. . .. Thank you for justifying! I look forward to more

  8. candis
    09/02/19

    how do i love myself
    hi my name is candis i am 19, married with one, one year little girl.
    i am 5’7 and 197 pounds i feel so gross. I hate my stomach and arms. I
    guess my question is how do i feel as confident as you ladies. Im scared
    to ware anything. I am always pulling at my cloths and i just know people
    are like eeeeeeew look at her.

  9. Julie
    09/02/19

    Wendy- You Rock Girl! Love your comments and expressive persona. Puppy bellys, Men, Lingerie I can’t think of a better Menage … Thanks for sharing the truth about accepting one owns body image

  10. Wendy
    09/02/19

    Candis!! First, let me say how brave you are to ask this wonderful question. “How do I love mysel?/” The best news is: you have already started! Because just the simple act of asking begins the process. I want to give a few tips and you let me know how these work for you. Everyones journey is different because we are all so individual and each of our lives have shaped us differently. *Keep asking questions…of any confident and happy person that you know. Find out hiow they find acceptance. * Keep finding places, like Curvy Confidential, that promote healthy feelings about our bodies and life in general. (Have you read all of the postings here from the past? They are amazing!) *Be sure that you are wearing clothes that fit…clothes that you don’t have to be tugging at. And be sure that your clothes reflect who you are, not just anything that happens to fit. There are so many GREAT clothes out there…especially for your young body! *Laugh! Everyday! Out loud. I know this sounds kind of simple…and it is. It is like medicine. Be sure that you know how beautiful the sound of your own voice is! * For now, the last point (out of about 8 million that I could offer. Keep coming back here. There will be many more great articles here. There are some amazingly beautiful and creative women submitting here. Have you looked at the Contributors section? Read about these successful and interesting women. I hope this helps Candis..Keep asking! xoxo Wendy

  11. cupcake
    09/02/19

    yo, wendy – GREAT energy and TRUTH!
    keep it up, girlfriend … i KNOW you GET how it’s OKAY to be who we are – fully embodied and fully empowered!
    blessings!
    cupcake and her larues ( * )( * )

  12. Mountain Girl
    09/02/19

    Wendy…Wow! I’m a first time visitor to this site and I’m so glad I came! Your post was just that…a sign post for those of us on the journey to body acceptance. Our bodies are magnificent; whatever the size, shape, or color…time to stop trying to fit a mold made by the media and enjoy the beauty of the frame that is uniquely ours.

    “Claim it. Wear it. Be it. Love it.” Listen up, ladies! Time to strut OUR stuff! (And I think I could REALLY strut in the Round Toe Mary Janes!

    My love to all “women of substance”!

  13. Colleen
    09/02/19

    Wendy,

    Your article, “Fat … The F Word” is sooooo good. I particularly relate to the analogy of babies — the chubby cheeks, chunky legs (and feet) — all of it.

    Very honestly, though, I do not remember the last time I saw ANYONE as ‘fat’. I am drawn to (and develop friendships with) people who are charismatic in nature, and who I, somhow (maybe spiritually), connect with. What I recognize is an all-over ‘package’ — body, mind, and spirit.

    The answers you gave Candis (and other responders, as well) are good reference for those of us who don’t always feel comfortable in our own skin (whatever size). You said:
    “Everyone’s journey is different because we are all so individual, and each of our lives have shaped us differently.”
    [About dress:] “… wear clothes that fit … clothes that you don’t have to tug at, and that reflect who you are.”
    [And saving the best ... -- a prescription you so eloquently gave, that works universally as major therapy -- physical, psychological, and emotional therapy:]

    “Laugh! Everyday! Out loud! … know how beautiful the sound of your own voice is!”

    I look forward to your further columns, my friend.

    cc

  14. Chandra
    09/02/20

    Wendy I think that your article was sensational. Especially the whole baby and puppy belly thing. I also get tickled when people tell me i am not fat just thick. I must agree that I am not F-A-T by the world standards but I am P-H-A-T Pretty Hot and Tempting. Thanks again so much your words inspired me.

  15. Alene
    09/02/21

    Your “karma” is shining through for all to read!!!! You have toruched so many and now this new venture will help you wrap your arms around many more. I love you.

  16. sharon
    09/02/21

    What a brave, beautiful, and inspiring post!!! Those of us who carry shame of our bodies need to hear this, and your willingness to share is a tremendous gift. Changing society’s views starts with loving and accepting ourselves – change begins from the inside out…. thanks for your powerful example, Wendy!

  17. Debby
    09/02/23

    LOVED AND BELIEVE EVERY WORD YOU SAID – YOU ROCK!!!!

  18. Wendy
    09/02/24

    Wow!! These comments are fabulous. I thank you so much for reading me and for expressing yourselves. I am honored and humbled. Moreover, we are all creating a difference. That makes all worth everything. Thanks.. xoxo Wendy

  19. Polly
    09/02/24

    How do I get over the fear?

    Hi Wendy my name is Polly and I am 23 years old,I stand at 5’11 and I weigh 285lbs I have no children but my tummy looks like I’ve had a set of twins…I dislike my arms because they are shall I say kind of flabby. I wanna look and feel sexy but I just feel so uncomfortable…Every one tells me Im very pretty but that is so hard to believe because all through out highschool I was picked at and even got some painful criticis from my closest family members that just literally made me feel worthless..I know thats sad to say but thats just how it felt..Now that Im older the pain still follows me. Every where me and my boyfriend go, it feels like every body just stops and stare at me like Ooh my gosh is he really dating that blob… and when I turn around and look at them they quickly turn there heads and continue to whisper and do what they where doing before we walked up. It makes me angry how some people can just be so down right ruthless when it comes to us Voluptuous women..This makes me angry and it also makes me afraid to do anything or even wanna try knew things..I love to sing but Im so afraid that if I go on stage all every one is going to do is laugh at me because of my size… My boyfriend tells me Im beautiful and that the majority of the whispers come from people saying *To be a plus size girl she is very Beautiful* but I don’t know what to believe…I think myself esteem probably could use a major boost..I just wanna know how can I possibly get over this fear and become the strong and confident woman that I know is deep down inside of me.”HELP”!!!

    Ps. My boyfriend keeps suggesting to me that he would love to see me in some Sexy Lingerie but feeling like this I don’t think I will be able to do that anytime soon…How do I even begin to try Lingerie? how do I know what will do my body justice??

  20. Tina
    09/02/25

    Hi Polly!

    It can be very hard to get over past memories and scars, especially when they latch onto our self image. I personally know exactly what you mean. I grew up believing I wasn’t worth a dime, wasn’t beautiful, and wasn’t worthy of anything, let alone acceptance or the L word (who would love me?)

    But, there comes a point where we just have to recognize those thoughts for exactly what they are; Lies. Every last one of them.

    When we look in the mirror, we can be our own worst critic. And if we do see beauty we can be told that we are too vain. I disagree. When we look in the mirror the ONLY THING we should see is beauty. We should see ourselves for the absolutely gorgeous, voluptuous goddesses we are! Media may be warped into thinking that stick thin lack-of-figures are beautiful, but that is all politics. And we all know how honest and right-on politics are (insert sarcasm here).

    The magazines tell you to be thin because the fashion industry nowadays makes money off of stick thin, flat chested, self-loathers who are aching to fit in and thus will buy anything they can find to make them feel like they blend into the norm. To be an anorexic size 0 is the most unhealthy thing that a woman can do. It is unhealthy for the body and even worse for the mind!

    Instead we need to celebrate our bodies for exactly what they are; irresistible! Ask any of the men on here. They all say that a woman with curves is the most attractive thing they can imagine.

    Something that could help you is to get your BF involved with improving your self-image. I know you may feel uncomfortable with the idea at first, but he is with you because he does love you and does find you to be the most attractive woman in any room you enter.

    Set a time and date to be alone with him, and let him know what it is about so he is mentally prepared as well. (No matter how kind and sweet a guy is, they’re still human, and if they’re too caught off guard they wont be quite as productive)

    Have a glass of wine first if you need the courage from it. Then sit with him, and ask him to simply list what he loves about you. Both physically and mentally. Aspects of your personality and your body. The first few can seem silly, or embarrassing. But when you actually hear from his lips all the many things that draws him to you, it can be extremely uplifting. After he has a chance to share, go over the things you do love about yourself. Hearing his comments can put you in the right mind-frame to openly love yourself as you should. Then, when you look in the mirror, run over the list in your mind and let yourself believe and know in your heart that those wonderful qualities are there, because they are!
    To you and all women: Love yourself and love your curves!
    :)

  21. CC
    09/02/25

    I also believe that Fat is the “F word”. First and most important, you did the best thing for yourself, you reached out for help. You are already doing something good for you!!!

    I know how you feel, I have also been the “big” girl and uncomfortable with my body. You are are not your weight or you “flabby” arms, you are much more than that. It takes baby steps, find the one physical attribute about yourself and put emphasis on that. You said you have a very pretty face, concentrate on that, wear a little more make up and fix you hair everyday. Also put emphasis on other things in your life, you job, hobbies, friends and family. Be kind to yourself, treat yourself to a something sexy, I find corsets make me feel super sexy, I think everyone looks good in a corset.

    Remember you are never alone in how you feel and you are Curvy and Fabulous!

  22. Wendy
    09/02/25

    Tina and CC: What wonderful posts!! Yoohoo….amazing advice.

    Polly: I just wanted to add something about you being a singer and standing on stage. The funny thing here is I have been a singer and performer professionally for over 34 years and you mentioned that you sing as well but would be tentative to go on stage. People had asked me when I was younger how I would dare to be up in front of people. I always assumed that they were talking about stage fright! And I would tell them that I never wanted to confuse fright with excitement and adreniline rush. Then a few of them said, “No, aren’t you afraid what people will think about you and you being big?” That didn’t occur to me. First, close your eyes and sing out loud, just in a room with yourself. Can you tell if you are fat or thin, tall or short, pretty or plain? NO. Just your voice reveals itself. And I also know that not everyone likes the same kind of music, fashion, beauty, movies, cars…anything. So I realize that I am not going to be for everyone. Not everyone is going to want to listen to me sing. Not everyone will want to come to my type of seminar, or listen to me at a speaking gig, or read my book….right? Same thing with our bodies. Not everyone wants a curvy body, or thin body, or muscular body….but many will. And the only thing that really matters is that “I” love who I am. Because Polly….we will NEVER be able to please everyone or make everyone happy…and why would we want to? Work at loving who you are….not just what you look like. Develop your authentic you…without all the input from others. And wow…look at this site and the amazing women that are posting…now this is what I call a great place to hear the truth. :) xoxo Wendy

  23. thomas
    09/02/25

    what a refreshing article!!!! written to make one think, laugh and accept what is!!!
    WELL DONE!!!

  24. Cat
    09/02/25

    Hey Polly,

    I know how it feels to have family members say hurtful things. It is so upsetting, and it is hard to believe that it is coming from someone that ‘loves’ you.
    My weight has gone up and down all my life, and I feel it was due to the comments I received. It is still a struggle for me, but I’ve come to the conclusion that if I was meant to be 130 pounds, God would have made me that way.
    I grew up being Daddy’s Girl, and he would always tell me to clean my plate. He was old school like that. But he would always tell me that big girls are better to love because there is more to hold on to. Then he would tell me that skinny women just need to eat.
    When I worry about my weight, I think of what he would tell me. It also makes me think of him, and I instantly feel better.
    So, when your man tells you that you are beautiful, believe him! You are a tall, curvy, statuesque beauty. It will be hard to believe that, and accept the compliments, but they are true.
    As far as lingerie, maybe you and your sweetie can look at a few things together. Then you can see what he likes, and find your comfort level.
    Start with something simple, like a simple baby doll, or a pair of lacy panties. Then work up to the corsets. Who knows, you may become a lingere fanatic.

  25. Cat
    09/02/25

    By the way Polly, I sing too.
    There is nothing better than singing for people, at least I think so.
    Just channel your inner Ella. I always do. You will find that people are so impressed, they won’t even care about how you look. They will just remember your amazing voice.
    And remember, the best singers have a little weight on them.

  26. Polly
    09/03/02

    Thank you guys so much..I really must thank you from the bottom of my heart…I really do appreciate all the kind words and advice each and everyone of you has given to me…In my mind and forever in my heart I will always keep the wisdom and the boost of confidence and the advice that everyone gave so beautifully….It means alot to me to know that their are people out there that actually understand where Im coming from..Its like a breath of fresh air to know that I have a place to come to when I need a boost of confidence or some valuable advice to make it through this Hectic place we call earth.*WENDY*TINA*CC and *CAT thank you guys so much for your time, advice, honesty and wisdom I truly appreciate it…One love from me to you….Thanks..

    Ps. I finally allowed myself to try some Lingerie and Wow! did my BF love it…Ladies I was shocked out of my mind! I never expected results like this! I would share but that is a little to HOTT and STEAMY for this section, maybe I’ll post it up on the steamy stories section so you guys just in case your curious about what happen you’ll know the full story…..Thanks again my Curvy Family…

  27. Wendy
    09/03/02

    Polly…this makes everything worthwhile in my book. No matter how busy I get…this is the end result that makes me feel validated. xoxo Wendy

    PS Looking forward to that story. :)

  28. Emily
    10/06/22

    Haha. I know what you mean. I call myself ‘fat’ randomly to my friends and get that same response (“you’re not fat!” O_O) to which I just kind of laugh and shrug and say, “yeah, guys, I am. It’s cool.”

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